I find it disheartening that I cried so much when I found out I was pregnant for the second time. Blissful ignorance was out the door and all I could see was a father with two girls and no mother to raise them. I saw the miracle of life for them but not for myself. Isn't that weird how we can hope, believe, pray and almost taste the miracle for another, but humbly accept our demise. I've seen God's hand work over and over in my life, my parents, their parents, and their parent's lives and yet I had such uncertainty for myself and my own personal miracle. Maybe the miracle is seeing yourself stretch and how it's done? Hmmm, something to ponder.
But I am just filled with emotion that I never had before new life had entered our lives. I never cried over trivial things, such as movies, stories, testimonies or things of that nature. But I did cry over silly things like an old movie where a lion remembered his owner after finding him in the wild! What was that? But now my daughter's (both) tears make me ache inside, I cry out to God to give me wisdom to answer them correctly and hold them at the right times and be strong when they are being defiant. I am in love all over again but with my girls, which rekindles the love I have with Dale. And then, there I go to tears again of the blessings and the monstrous responsibility I have to this little family unit.
And where has the time gone that Analise is already going to be two? Two years have flown by, and three if you count the gestational time of brewing her up in the oven, you know what I mean. I can't believe how one child changes you and then the second one just rewrites everything about you. I am grateful even on the days where it feels like Ground Hog Day and I can't accomplish the simplest thing such as dishes in the sink or laundry being put away. I have learned and am still learning to be content in every situation. So one day, I hope my daughter will read how fond I am of her and not only do I love her that I also like her. And for the rest of my life she and Addie will forever be on my mind.
My dearest Analise,
You are so sweet and yes sometimes naughty with that vivacious smile! You are quick to forgive when your sister is a bit snotty with you. You are full of life and vigor and you light up our lives with your little sense of humor that you exude. I pray that you will always be full of energy, joy, and a peacemaker. We will try our best to give you all the love we can lavish on such a busy little girl, but I hope you will give us grace as we are learning with each year we are blessed with you. I look forward to many years to see you grow into a beautiful woman on the inside as well as the outside. But remember, mommy is always more concerned about your inside beauty as it will not fade like the outside, but will continue for an eternity.
All my love
