Tonight I just got Addie to bed and so alone I feel. Not that other mothers don't feel the same way at anything that just brings you to feeling like there is no end to this one episode of many to come. And as I was getting ready to lose it-cry, scream at the sky, call Dale who's no where to be found (yes, I did try to call him) because everyone is asleep right now. I had to remind myself that I asked for her-frustration and all. I, on my own accord, no gun to my head, no husband threatening to leave me, nothing of the sort, just me praying every day for her to enter my world.
And my childhood memory verse kept coming to mind. Think of the lovely things, things that bring good report. And as I held my overly hyper child, who was frustrated herself, due to her tiredness that reacts like a hyper pill to her, I was able to get a grip on things. All alone, no hubby, no one to call forced me to call on the Gift Giver to bring another gift to me-peace, tranquility, thankfulness, joy, good happy thoughts that are beyond the Captain Hook version of Happy thoughts.
I am thankful for these moments as these are actually more simple than the ones to come in her teenage years, so I thank Him for her crying for she's here in my arms. I thank Him for the frustration because when she's finally asleep I can gaze down into her crib and know that she is mine. And I thank Him for the smile that will greet me as a new day starts clean and fresh and all is forgotten about tonight except for the lack of my physical weakness-lack of sleep.
I was frustrated and now I am thankful.
